My Breastfeeding Journey….the End.

Posted: May 22, 2014 in Misang's Motherhood Journey

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I can vividly remember this day. I was a 28-year-old new mom who just gave birth and trying to breastfeed. Armed with just the determination to breastfeed, I latched my little one to my breasts and the rest is history.

But for a week now, my 40-month old baby girl is slowly weaning from my breasts.

Her weaning was an accident. I was so tired one night, and when she asked to nurse, I told her “later baby, mommy’s tired”. She laid down beside me and continued watching TV then just like that, she fell asleep. The night after that, she just laid on the bed and fell asleep without even asking to nurse. There were nights when she wakes up in the middle of the night looking for my breast, but I will just hug her instead and she falls back to sleep.

Gradually, we were able to stop her nighttime feeding, and then the morning feeding/cuddle time and now, her nap-time nursing. She sometimes asks to nurse, but I already refuse. We are in this place already, so why turn back now and let her nurse again? I have tried to wean her a few times in the past but this time is different.

My body is ready. My emotions are ready. I am now ready.

I never thought I would last this long and yet we did. I never attended any breastfeeding seminar or read any books about breastfeeding. What I know is just I want to breastfeed because my sister-in-law is breastfeeding her child and my doctor told me so. Just that, and everything ran on pure maternal instinct.

A few months after I gave birth, that’s where I discovered a whole new world of breastfeeding. I never knew there was a “breastfeeding community”. Thanks to my sisters in N@W (Newlyweds at Work) and Breastfeeding Pinays. These girls are my online sisters. Without them, I wouldn’t have survived my first years of motherhood without going insane. I’m also grateful to my relatives who took the responsibility of some of my chores while I nurse my baby for an hour or so.

Now that we are slowly weaning, I remember all the hardships we went through. The first latch was difficult and painful, the non-stop crying at night, the dreaded moment of nursing in public, the looks I get when people see me confidently nursing a 2 year old toddler in the mall. All of them, I bravely faced and conquered. And I am so proud of it.

Breastfeeding is not easy. A handful of determination and all the support you can get are needed . You also need to ignore advises from people who doesn’t believe in breastfeeding, people who believe that formula is the answer to everything. Breastfeeding is also a sacrifice. As a stay-at-home-mom, I crossed out night-outs with friends just to make sure my kid sleeps soundly while latched on my breasts, and still be there when she wakes up. I sometimes decline invitations because I feel uncomfortable tagging my kid along with me on a lunch date with friends. I just can’t leave her.

But all were worth it. My kid was never hospitalized or suffered from any major illness. Never had stomach flu or diarrhea. I generally never had problems when it comes to her health. She still has a nice set of teeth. And as opposed to most people believes, she is very much independent.

Now, instead of nursing, we get to cuddle more and play with each other more before she falls asleep. Whenever she asks to nurse, I tell her “no” and she goes back to hugging me instead.

I am so thankful for the very special bond breastfeeding had given us for 40 full months. If I will have the chance to have another child, I will again take the beautiful journey of breastfeeding.

You can read my breastfeeding posts here.

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